"The Most Vital Thing in Life"

When you feel like saying something
That you know you will regret,
Or keenly feel an insult
Not quite easy to forget,
That's the time to curb resentment
And maintain a mental peace,
For when your mind is tranquil
All your ill-thoughts simply cease.

It is easy to be angry
When defrauded or defied,
To be peeved and disappointed
If your wishes are denied;
But to win a worthwhile battle
Over selfishness and spite,
You must learn to keep strict silence
Though you know you're in the right.

So keep your mental balance
When confronted by a foe,
Be it enemy in ambush
Or some danger that you know.
If you are poised and tranquil
When all around is strife,
Be assured that you have mastered
The most vital thing in life.

-Grenville Kleiser

This poem is extremely significant to me right now. Without filling you all in on the gibberish that's made up my life the past few weeks, I'll let you know simply that I've seen better days.

I was put to the test Sunday night. I had a choice to make:
Let the actions of others define me,
or let my reactions to others define me.

Fun fact: I'm emotional (woooo, big shocker there! An emotional 18 year old girl? That doesn't exist!) But the difference between me and others: I don't get my feelings hurt. Ever.
I cry because I'm sentimental. Put me in a room with my friends, laughing and having a good time- I'll randomly start crying because "I'm living the 'good old days' that I'll look back on when I'm older!" Yes, I'm THAT girl.. That ruins all the fun by saying "This is our last first.... everything."
But I NEVER ever ever ever ever ever (should I continue?) ever ever ever get my feelings hurt.
I don't cry because some chick tells me that she doesn't like me.

But I was tested Sunday night. A girl decided to say some extremely hateful things, and I was HURT. Severely. And I cried for two hours.

Da da da dahhhh!! Mommy came in to save the day. And she gave me some tough lovin'.
"Rachel, you're wasting too much energy and time on someone's words that don't matter. I know it hurts, but why let someone like that steal a second more of your life? Life is 10% what's done to you, 90% how you react."

Boom. Momma knows best.

I sucked it up. Stopped crying... and opened my Bible-
Ironically (not ironically, Jesus did it on purpose) to James,
a well worn chapter in my Bible.
I'm going to type this in letter format, because well, that's what it is.

"My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you. Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in the mirror and after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But the man who looks intently in the the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it-- he will be blessed in what he does. If anyone considers himself religions and yet does not keep a TIGHT REIN on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless. Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."

James 1:19-27

Quick to listen- If I really took the time to listen to what this girl was saying to me, and not just hear and immediately put up my best defense, I would have known that it really does matter that my life backs up my words. That I don't just talk about God and how much I love Him and want to do my best at following Him-- That I actually live it. If she wants to tell me that I'm "not as holy" as I think I am, then maybe others like her think the same thing... That I'm just putting up a front. Does that incinuate that my life isn't backing up my words? That put a check in my spirit. She may not have said that in the right way, and she may have no spiritual grounds to tell me anything about my walk with God, but if she thought it, the thought came from somewhere.. or maybe, Someone.

Slow to speak- Luckily, I actually lived this one Sunday night. My mouth is my biggest problem. I'm pretty good at popping off with snide remarks, or should I say, I'm pretty BAD about it. It's my toughest fight. But when I was reading everything this girl was saying to me, I felt no need to say anything back. If I can do that every time, I will have mastered "The Most Vital Thing in Life."

Slow to become angry- Nope, didn't live this one out. I. Was. Pissed. I was mad at her, mad at myself, mad at the people she mentioned, mad at my dead friend she mentioned- I was MAD. And for what reason? Sure, I can see why I would have been mad at her and myself, but the others? Random. Made no sense. Check in my spirit? Check. Slow down that anger, girl. It will eat you alive (reference to "The Poison Tree" by William Blake).

Tight rein- James chapter 3. Enough said.

Widows and orphans- Just a little reminder of what my goal is this summer. And that these people and their hateful words don't matter, unlessssss they're right! And in some cases, this girl was.. but in most, she wasn't. What matters is that I refrain from all wordly stains, and keep my focus on reaching out the loveless in their plight. Uganda in June with Jesus. :)

I'm fighting for myself, and learning more from Him everyday. I can feel Him molding and shaping me into just exactly what I'm supposed to be. I'll never be perfect, and I'll never be good, but as long as I realize that the "only good thing about me is Jesus," I'll be perfectly fine. I'm only here because "Grace mixed with love poured over me and into me. And all because of Jesus." 1 Timothy 1:14.

Gracefully,
Rachy