...with myself.
It was the best thing I could have done for myself, and right now, for my relationship with God. It opened my eyes to the fact that before I had Him, I had nothing. Especially, I had no confidence.
I used to make up facts about myself in order to impress boys (this was in 9th grade, not yesterday, mind you). I was strong-willed, and that came off as self-assuredness, but I wasn't confident. If I didn't have a boy to text 24/7, I had nothing. My value came from their attention, and it lasted as long as their short attention span. Before Jesus, I was worthless.
Today was good for my relationship with Him because it was a reminder that although right now I'm single, and even though I have no one to take me out on dates, I have a King who loves me and loves to dote upon me. No, I'll never be one of those "Jesus is my boyfriend" girls, because I understand that His love for me is so much bigger than that, and it's a Fatherly love. But He does care about my emotions and my desires, and today He knew I needed to be loved on.
I took myself on date and I walked with a Royal confidence (I actually had that thought when I walked through the mall to Candy Craze-- I noticed that my head was held erect and I might have even been "strutting" a little.. hehe). God showed me that my value comes from being His daughter, not from some pimple-y, hormonal, and lusty boy's attention. He thinks I'm the bee's knees, y'all. How could I not be confident in that? :) And He knows my wants! He made me a girl, He knows what I like, and today He loved on me. He created my femininity, and now He's taught me to embrace it. (I'm rambling now, but I'm going to keep going for a sec). It's OKAY for me to want a guy to lead me spiritually (that's how it should be), and it's OKAY for me to not settle for anything less. It's OKAY for me to have specifications about my relationships. I don't have to explain that to anyone. I'm a girl (woman, whatever) and I get to consult with my Dad about my relationships, and adjust them accordingly, no questions asked. Because I'm His, I hold myself to a higher standard, and I refuse to settle for anything less than what He'd deem acceptable.
That went off topic, but it happens... I'm a girl, after all, and I stinkin' LOVE it.
"God has set within you a femininity that is powerful and tender, fierce and alluring. No doubt it has been misunderstood. Surely it has been assaulted. But it is there, your true heart, and it is worth recovering. You are captivating." Stasi Eldredge, "Captivating"
Girls, go do something girly... by yourself. Paint your nails, put on some mascara, and/or watch a chick-flick. Love yourself, let God love you, and then worry about those boys.
Monday, July 18, 2011
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Wisdom Like Solomon... and Tabitha.
It feels like a lifetime ago that I walked the "streets" of the slums of Kampala, Uganda.
But the truth is, I've only been home two weeks.
The most frustrating thing about trying to blog about everything I experienced there is that my words aren't sufficient. My pictures aren't sufficient. Nothing that I could try to relate to whoever reads this will be sufficient. Only being there, holding babies, holding hands, loving on people, getting filthy, tromping through mud, swatting mosquitos, wiping sweat, wiping tears, embracing differences, noticing similarities, reading scripture, praying for new believers, talking to unbelievers, smelling body odors, seeing desperation, touching lives and letting yours be touched as well- only those things would sufficiently explain everything that's on my heart.
I think the only way I can adequately express the lessons I learned while in Uganda would be to blog one story, or maybe one day, at a time. So naturally, I'll start with day one.
There is nothing like knowing you're in exactly the right place at exactly God's time. I knew it from the moment I stepped onto the runway in Entebbe. After we ate lunch, we went on our first "mission." I was told about Kimombasa long before the trip began, and I was so happy that we were going to work in that slum. It's name has come to mean "The place of the sex workers." Victims of sex trafficking and prostitution stole my heart a long time ago, so I was excited to get to work in Kimombasa. Those people need Jesus in a very desperate and urgent way.
That first day, we met some ladies who were already believers. We talked with them awhile, and I got to know a 13-year-old girl named Tabitha. After talking with her, I asked if there was anything I could pray with her about. Her response? "Please pray that God would bless me with wisdom. I would like to have wisdom." Wisdom!? I was sitting there, looking around at the SHACK that she lived in, and at her shoeless, dirty feet, at all the holes in her clothes, and she was looking at me, asking that I pray she would have wisdom. It seemed to me that any 13-year-old girl who had nothing and only wanted wisdom-- probably already had some.
Of course, my immediate thought when she asked that was of Solomon. He asked for wisdom when God said, "Ask for whatever you want me to give you," (1 Kings 3:5, 2 Chronicles 1:7). "The Lord was pleased that Solomon had asked for this," (1 Kings 3:10). God said, "Since this is your hearts desire and you have not asked for wealth, riches or honor, nor for the death of your enemies, and since you have not asked for a long life but for wisdom and knowledge, wisdom and knowledge will be given you. And I will also give you wealth, and riches and honor," (2 Chronicles 1:11-12).
And so I prayed. For both of us. That God would bless her as He did King Solomon and that I could grow my faith to the size of Tabitha's. I doubt that girl knows how much she impacted me. No shoes, and she wanted wisdom. God bless her.
This is me holding a little one who shares my name, and Tabitha is in the orange skirt. Partner with me in prayer for these two! Thank you so much!
Many, many more stories to come.
Rachel
But the truth is, I've only been home two weeks.
The most frustrating thing about trying to blog about everything I experienced there is that my words aren't sufficient. My pictures aren't sufficient. Nothing that I could try to relate to whoever reads this will be sufficient. Only being there, holding babies, holding hands, loving on people, getting filthy, tromping through mud, swatting mosquitos, wiping sweat, wiping tears, embracing differences, noticing similarities, reading scripture, praying for new believers, talking to unbelievers, smelling body odors, seeing desperation, touching lives and letting yours be touched as well- only those things would sufficiently explain everything that's on my heart.
I think the only way I can adequately express the lessons I learned while in Uganda would be to blog one story, or maybe one day, at a time. So naturally, I'll start with day one.
There is nothing like knowing you're in exactly the right place at exactly God's time. I knew it from the moment I stepped onto the runway in Entebbe. After we ate lunch, we went on our first "mission." I was told about Kimombasa long before the trip began, and I was so happy that we were going to work in that slum. It's name has come to mean "The place of the sex workers." Victims of sex trafficking and prostitution stole my heart a long time ago, so I was excited to get to work in Kimombasa. Those people need Jesus in a very desperate and urgent way.
That first day, we met some ladies who were already believers. We talked with them awhile, and I got to know a 13-year-old girl named Tabitha. After talking with her, I asked if there was anything I could pray with her about. Her response? "Please pray that God would bless me with wisdom. I would like to have wisdom." Wisdom!? I was sitting there, looking around at the SHACK that she lived in, and at her shoeless, dirty feet, at all the holes in her clothes, and she was looking at me, asking that I pray she would have wisdom. It seemed to me that any 13-year-old girl who had nothing and only wanted wisdom-- probably already had some.
Of course, my immediate thought when she asked that was of Solomon. He asked for wisdom when God said, "Ask for whatever you want me to give you," (1 Kings 3:5, 2 Chronicles 1:7). "The Lord was pleased that Solomon had asked for this," (1 Kings 3:10). God said, "Since this is your hearts desire and you have not asked for wealth, riches or honor, nor for the death of your enemies, and since you have not asked for a long life but for wisdom and knowledge, wisdom and knowledge will be given you. And I will also give you wealth, and riches and honor," (2 Chronicles 1:11-12).
And so I prayed. For both of us. That God would bless her as He did King Solomon and that I could grow my faith to the size of Tabitha's. I doubt that girl knows how much she impacted me. No shoes, and she wanted wisdom. God bless her.
This is me holding a little one who shares my name, and Tabitha is in the orange skirt. Partner with me in prayer for these two! Thank you so much!Many, many more stories to come.
Rachel
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