the beauty of love as it's made to be.

Tonight I watched "Pride & Prejudice" for the 3487120938th time.
I watched with new eyes, though.
I'm really not sure what made me look at it differently, but I'm glad I did.

We live in a time of easy accessibility. Everything is one text, call, tag, push-of-a-button away.
I used to think of this as a blessing- and in a way, it is. But in others..
It's a curse. Really.

In the movie, Darcy falls in love with Elizabeth almost immediately after meeting her.
(Of course, his pride gets in the way, as does hers, but that is beside the fact)
He only gets to speak to her whenever he happens to run into her.

There is no calling her, only calling on her.
There is no texting her, only writing a letter to her.
There is no FACEBOOKING her.
What he sees, hears, and feels when he encounters her is all he gets,
and of course, his thoughts afterward.

And that's the magic- his thoughts.
After he sees her, she's all he thinks about.
He gets to analyze everything about her that he loves and enjoys.
He doesn't have to creep her every move and conversation on some
idiotic social network. He has to trust her.

He falls in love with the intelligent, real, yet mysterious woman that she is.
He doesn't have to see the fake air she puts on for her 1500 Facebook friends.
He doesn't get the opportunity to just shoot her a text to "chill" later.
He dotes upon her, does things right.. Talks to her father, asks for permission.

He treats her like a LADY. He respects her.
He would never make her feel like "one of the guys."
He goes to all ends of the earth to save her family,
right all wrongs, show her with his actions that he loves her.

His language isn't flimsy; he thinks before he speaks.
He is brutally honest with her; "I'm betwitched, body, mind, and soul."

I wish I lived in the time of Jane Austen.
No cell phones, no internet.
Just people. And REAL love.

I believe that this love still exists. It's harder to find-
you have to dig through all the shallowness and flimsy chit chat.
But it's real, and it's out there. And no, this isn't me being a hopeless romantic.
It's real.
It's the kind of love that God intended.

Ladies- set some standards. Don't ever give on them. Remember that men are human, and make your standards reasonable, but keep them high. Men should have to work for your affection; show you they truly care. They should pick you up, open the door for you, pull out your chair, walk you to the door (not just wait until your in to drive off), talk to your mother, ASK PERMISSION from your father. They should take you to a real restaurant (that serves some type of bread before the meal), and pay. They should never, everrr, take you to their house on a first date. This sends one type of message, and it isn't the right one.

Guys- Do all of the above, and mean it. Don't just do it until you "know" (or think you know) you've got her.. Keep it up. She'll love you forever, and she'll return the favors. You guys need to set your standards higher too! Don't accept trashy women. And yes, I said trashy- side note to the girls, if you dress slutty, you're just giving the guy the go-ahead to do with you as he pleases, and that is not okay.. it's especially not okay if you get upset about it. If it's not for sale, don't advertise it. Be Godly women, appropriately dressed. Don't invite that boy's hands, eyes, and mind into places they shouldn't be.- Boys, be Men of God. Don't use vulgar language around women, don't do disgusting things in front of them (for example, FARTING- not even around your "best girl friends." Absolutely NOT acceptable). Be respectable and respectful. You're setting the example here. You're the leader, so lead in the right direction!

I feel like I'm preaching. Must just be something I'm passionate about lately.
I'm a single girl, and after my last relationship, I promised my friends that I would
never again lower my standards. I refuse to accept anything than what I deserve,
and I refuse to BE anything less than what a respectable young man of God deserves and desires.

my future spouse's future spouse.

To my future spouse: I pray you're all that God intends for you to be.

I used to be obsessed with (and still sort of am, hehe) www.tomyfuturespouse.com.
I seriously would read all of that day's posts before I would go to sleep at night.
I'm a romantic, okay? All girls are! It's our nature.

On September 29, I went to my youth service.. They talked about future spouses.
They gave us a blank piece of stationary, with the header,
"To my future spouse,"

My first thought was, "I cannot wait to fill this up."
I was so eager to write down everything that I hoped and prayed my husband would be.
Here I am, three months later.. and that stationary is still blank.

Because the more I got to thinking about it, the less I felt like I could write.
Sure, I have standards that I want my husband to meet, but wait a second..
what about me?

I spend so much time thinking about my future husband.
I think about how he will be the spiritual leader in our household,
how he will raise our children up in the way they should go.

I pray that he will be pure until our wedding night,
a snow-white lover,
saving love as it is meant to be- just for me :)

But as I was praying for him, I got to one specific point:
I prayed that wherever he is, he's out there praying for me too.
And that's when it hit me;

WHAT ABOUT ME?

My standards are high... for my husband.
My standards for myself should be even higher.

I want the type of man who wants THIS type of woman:

A snow-white bride, pure of every kind of love.
A Proverbs 31 woman.
A strong mother, helping our kids find their own relationship with our Creator.
A soft-spoken, out-spoken woman (and no, that isn't an oxymoron; it's possible!)
A kind, generous, loving, humanistic woman.
A comforter.
A soother, a listener.
A woman so completely lost in the Maker that there is no way her husband would make or break her-- Independently dependent on Jesus :)

These are the standards I want MY man to have for HIS woman!
I should be praying for myself, that I am everything on the above list, and more.
What I have to remember is that, as much as God wants me to have a pure soulmate,
He wants my soulmate to have a pure wife as well.
God loves my future spouse MORE THAN I EVER WILL.
He wants the very best for him! God doesn't want him to settle for anything less
than a Proverbs 31 woman.

Can I meet those standards?
It's about time I stop praying so much for that future spouse of mine,
and start praying for my future spouse's future spouse!

In pure and spotless love,
Rachel.

tis the season.

alone in this winter, clarity clouds my mind.
-mumford and sons.

everything in my life right now has to do with seasons. it recently just started really feeling like winter, and while its 20 degrees outside here, my mom is in cancun in the sun.

I cant help but notice the differences in our morale.

tiiiiiiiiime. seasons. growth. decay. cycles.

everything in life is a part of cycles. all these cycles (sleep cycles, bodily functions, work schedules, school days, etc) they all make up the huge cycle of life ("the circle of liiiife!" sorry, had to do it). its almost like I feel stuck in this always spinning world. jeeze, can't a girl get a break? time needs to go on vacation.

seasons. I'm in the senior year season of my life, by far the scariest yet (except for age 15, but I only thought my world was coming to an end... dramatic year). I just wish I could slow down, breathe, have time to take it all in. but time won't stop for me. time is rude. I wish I could throw myself on the floor, kicking and screaming, and absolutely refuse to keep up with the changing seasons, but obviously, that would be irrational.

tonight I opened my prayer/study journal and saw where I had written ecclesiastes 3 down to study later. I opened it up and was immediately reminded of what my mom has told me my whole life.

"there is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven."
this whole chapter is blowing my mind. God has it all planned out- why am I so stressed? there's a time for everything, and right now, its time for me to finish this high school chapter of my life. I'm growing up and in to bigger and better things!

favorite: "He has made everything beautiful in its time. he has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end."

I'm blessed to be His child, his princess daughter. He has His eye on me! through all my seasons, He is holding my hand.

Psalm 31:14-16 "But I trust in You, oh Lord; I say, "You are my God." MY TIMES ARE IN YOUR HANDS. Let your face shine on your servant, save me in your unfailing love."

<3 Jesus loves me, this I know! For the Bible tells me so. little ones to Him belong; they are weak, but He is strong.

"Friendship is the cooperative and supportive relationship between people. In this sense, the term connotes a relationship which involves mutual knowledge, esteem, affection, and respect."
-Google definitions.
Friends are hard to come by. In high school, if you glance around you, you'll see an overabundance of them. But if you look harder, are they really your friends? For 13 years of our lives, we are shoved into a giant box with hundreds of other kids our age. We are forced to spend 7 hours with them. FORCED. It is a law that we spend time with these people. When you're around the same people more than 1,390 hours a year, you're bound to form relationships with them.

For the first 18 years of our lives, we have a very limited choice of friends. You're given a random sample of people, and you choose those who best suit you.

6,000,000+ people in the world, and I have to choose a handful from a supply of 1200, in Fort Smith, Arkansas.

It doesn't seem fair, does it?

As the first semester of my senior year comes to a close, I'm forced to look around me. I take in everything; the "movie" atmosphere of my high school, the sophomores who are just excited to be looked at by a senior, the stagnation of the juniors who are experiencing "middle-class syndrome", not unlike middle-child syndrome... I take it all in. They will all feel like I do in 1 or 2 years.

Will they feel resentment at being forced to share 1390 hours of their lives with people they didn't choose? Am I alone in this?

In college, the supply is a lot bigger. The variation of people is greater.
The chance for longer-lasting relationships is greater.
The chance of being hurt is greater.
But the chance for choice is 100%.

Is that all I'm looking for? Is that the emptiness I'm feeling in my last year as a child?
Choice?

I don't know. (I don't know partly because I can't hardly think right now- studying for finals.)